FAIRY TALES / GRIMM / JOS EPPS
12/23/2006

<td align="justify" style="line-height:14px;"> Name: Joseph Epps. As far as nicknames go, he’s Jos—not Joe, not Joey, Jos. We're talking "Joz," phonetically, but that's not quite so aesthetically pleasing. Age: 19. Profession: Lead singer for an indie band called the Halseys that generally opens for bigger acts. They had their share of underground fame working the London circuit, but now they want to get some attention in America. Not that anyone who sees him would know it, but Jos really is good at what he does. For all his idiocy, he's a talented lyricist - while he rarely sings about anything deeper than a one night stand or a pub crawl, he does so with a certain panache that impresses. Paired with a capability of coming up with a snappy tune and the band's Brit underground style that's de rigeur at the moment, the Halseys certainly have the potential to go far. Assuming they can make it out of the back of their van. Location: He’s known to be a roamer; since he left school, Jos made his way to the States. But he has a place to stay in New York (as long as he doesn’t piss off his amiable ex-girlfriend) and his parents live in Surrey. Presently the Halseys are tagging along on the latter half of Smith Road's US tour. Fairy Tale Character: Little Miss Muffet, from the rhyme of the same name. Ability: Inciting mass hysteria and using mob psychology. The slightest raise of his eyebrows or a whisper is enough to make people nervous, but an outright screech on his part will turn a quiet gathering into a frenzy. Which is pretty handy in an opening band playing for an unenthusiastic crowd, right? First Impression: "If only he was as smart as his mouth." Personality: Being known the world over for getting the shit scared out of him by a spider isn't the most intimidating persona for an aspiring rock god, so Jos has invented a very tough front for himself indeed. Having worshipped at the altar of Strummer for the better part of his teen years has left him with a pretty good impression of how a musician sound act, so he sticks to that like glue—being a bastard to waiters, getting wasted, fooling around with all and sundry in both (ahem) carnal- and substance-related experiences. The result is a somewhat dazed and confused young man, whose aims for the future include finding the next gig, though he'll settle for a zombie film marathon within reasonable walking distance of his ex-girlfriend's couch. Frankly, Jos has the emotional depth of a five year old. Whether it's intimacy or backstabbing, gestures rarely tend to faze him. To admit being effected would be a vulnerable position, something he's really not comfortable in. Instead, Jos sticks to what he believes he can handle—a shallow life of touring, strobelights, and the occasional tour bus snog. The only real exception is for the few people who have managed to penetrate that thin exterior, namely his sister and a couple privileged others. The intent observer may catch a glimpse or two of the nice English boy his parents took so much care in raising, but the majority of Jos's outward persona has become drunken swearing. Jos is not one for setting up a gameplan. Whether it's a charge for the Light Brigade or a cut and run retreat, everything is more or less played by ear. He hates being told what to do, even if it's following directions he's laid out for himself—a trait that makes it hell for writing down the setlist for a show. Oddly enough, he spends a great deal of his time worrying about his little sister—from a good safe distance, of course. Only her senior by two years, Jos had mistreated her for the better part of their shared childhood (using her as a footrest during his favourite programmes, for example). But his exeunt from the family's picture into the wide world changed his perspective a bit, and now he sees Edie as someone to protect—when he's around, anyways. Mostly he just warns her not to get knocked up or drugged up while he's away via email, and has his former cronies back home looking after her. Sexuality: Heterosexual. Anyone who says otherwise got him VERY drunk indeed is a LIAR. History: Born and raised middle class in England, Jos got by on an average existence--going to primary school, watching Corrie Street with his mother, having a rather odd addiction to Paul McCartney. Jos tried to learn how to play the guitar around twelve, but due to artistic differences, they parted ways and he took up the tambourine instead. Much to his parents' dismay, he enrolled at art school, promptly dropped out a year later, and joined up with a band with a couple fellow slackers. To everyone's surprise, they were actually rather good. They played on the outskirts of Glastonbury and headed across the pond to hit the US circuit. And by the US circuit, I mean hanging around New York and getting drunk. But they do intend on crashing Bonnaroo, which must count for something. Likes: Drinking! Bumming a smoke. Pot. Singing, most of the time. Girls. Looking effortlessly good! Dislikes:Spiders The police? Phobias: Bugs and creepy crawlers of all shapes and sizes. Some things never change. Chosen PB:Tom Atkin. Appearance: Jos will be the last to admit that it would seem puberty has carried on without him. He has almost nothing in the way of muscle and sinew, his body apparently unwilling to flesh out even a little. Thankfully he’s grown into his limbs a little bit—the past couple years have been rather uncomfortable, being possessed of arms and legs far too long to be proportional. Not even a pathetic patch of bumfluff has sprouted on his boyish chest, and the entire situation has been the basis of intense teasing via the band. A month or two might yield the slightest scratchiness on his chin, which Jos keeps around to assert his manliness, poor thing. Jos’s brown eyes have been compared to dripping pools of warm honey or other like bullshit, but such a description would simply cause him to wrinkle his nose with disgust and remark that someone’s been reading too many harlequin novels. Though they ARE in fact brown, the man himself would hesitate to clarify any further than that. Truth be told, the area around his eyes is far more noticeable than the “glistening orbs” themselves; dark circles and deep creases beneath his eyes give the distinct impression of one too many sleepless nights and premature age that come with partying and occasionally sneaking into the odd VIP club. A general aura of fatigue is the first thing one happens to observe about him, unless he happens to be laughing, in which case his entire face is swallowed up by the prevailing presence of nose and grin. And yes, he is guilty of having a big nose, though he doesn’t personally believe it’s all that noticeable and last he checked it wasn’t a crime. As far as style goes, Jos is your typical indie Brit kid struggling to keep up with the likes of Doherty and Barat. Wardrobe staples include tight black jeans, at least a few pairs of Chucks, and the requisite Bertie Wooster hat and Burberry scarf. He’s really a Topshop bastard at heart. His hair, however, is a hopeless Beatles-esque mop that’s occasionally trimmed by one of his band mates a la Bernard Black. Storylines:THE MICROPHONE. For some reason or other, Jos has found a friend in someone who has no involvement in the music or drug scene (gasp!). Stranger still, THE MICROPHONE tends to bring out the best in Jos, and tends to overlook his many, many faults. He values their relationship immensely - not that he'd ever admit it. Instead, he'll begrudgingly allow THE MICROPHONE to keep him in line. notcheerlessTHE AMPS. Fellow members of the Halseys. They're a ragtag team that have evolved into a band of brothers as Jos and THE AMPS slowly work their way up the charts. (Four positions, M) (4/4 open)THE GROUPIE. (forthcoming!)(open)THE ROADIE. (forthcoming!)(open)THE MANAGER. (forthcoming!)(open)THE EX. Within the first few weeks of Jos's arrival in the States, he had found, loved, and lost. But THE EX still puts him up, for whatever reason, and theirs is an amiable breakup--for the most part. Though there's still the occasional spark of attraction, it's far more likely that they're shouting at each other. (open)Comment below to discuss storylines. All comments are screened. :)Joseph On a Theme: Charmless Man ↔ Blur Cuntry Boys & City Girls ↔ The Fratellis The Enemy ↔ Dirty Pretty Things Played By: Tom Atkin, alias Paddington. Player: Jen! Credits: Icons are mine unless otherwise noted. All other graphics made by yours truly, as well.</tr></td>